A Prelude To Flight
by aylaa
Summary: Jen's thoughts at the end of the movie, although it's been done to death, the reasons and logic behind it are just really intriguing!


A Prelude To Flight  
  
The morning breeze of the mountains felt cool blowing across my skin. It was rather ironic that it was rather overcast, as if the heavens themselves mourned for Li Mu Bai. It rather matched my moods, the gray tones mirroring what I felt inside. At least these colors were less accusing then the blood red of death, the death I had left in my wake.   
  
The man I loved stood beside me, my soul mate in this cruel, false world. He was the only one I could ever love, but still he would never understand. He would not understand the pain and burden of being treated like a doll, trained like a dog, and traded like a commodity. All my life I had wished for freedom above anything. The freedom to walk in the streets among people, instead of being carried in a litter above the crowd.   
  
I am not a princess, just the daughter of some upstart governor who thought he was royalty. My mother, his concubines and myself were all his property, to do with as he pleased. I was nine years old when I figured out that I would never have the privilege of free will. Perhaps this was society's vision of the ideal woman, to see how far you can bend her will and keep her trapped before she self-destructs. My will could not bend like that; maybe that is why I ran. Still I must admit that I regret nothing, and given the choice I would take the same path.  
  
My Lai Ma, or the Jade Fox as Li Mu Bai had called her, was the only one besides Lo who had ever cared. She had changed my mind, tried to make me love her and follow her bidding. I did, but she was a hollow shell, she could follow rules, boundaries, and limitations, but she could not think outside of the box. This was why a child was able to understand the final technique, and left her master far behind in skill. It was through my Lai Ma that I first was able to feel the cool night wind blowing on my face, the feeling of weariness that came from physical exertion of our training. Without her, I would never have even tasted freedom, much less escape to it. I did love her and she must have loved me as well. Her greatest gift to me was reason to live, without her; I doubt that I would still be alive.   
  
Lo and Lai Ma I loved alone, not my father or mother. Lo had loved me, accepting me without hesitation. But I could not make Lo pay for my sins. Li Mu Bai had already paid for trying to help me escape with his blood. I would never be able to look Shu Lien in the eyes, she would not hurt me, but the pain in her eyes was too much for me, who felt no guilt. Lo could find love again, he was still young. I had stolen Shu Lein's happiness, I cannot take the happiness of anyone else.   
  
Staring down at the abyss, reminds me of the saying "a faithful heart makes wishes come true". I cannot wish for anyone to come back to life. Lai Ma, Li Mu Bai and everyone else was gone. I wish for freedom, above all. The freedom to love Lo, to become a woman who lives and dies by her sword, to slip off without telling anyone or having anyone follow, they are the simple freedoms that my social rank has deprived me of all my life.  
  
I could never go back. The governor must take the law into his own hands, and the supposed parental love does not extend beyond the reaches of justice. I would never go back, even if they had welcomed me back with open arms. Looking down again, the world beneath does not seem so harsh. I know better then that. Although I had never been religious, nirvana seems to have somehow crept up upon me, and calmed me for what I about to do. Lo stands by me still patiently waiting. I cannot turn around, less my resolve break.  
  
"Make a wish, Lo" I whisper, before taking flight.  
  
And I am free.  
  
AN: I watched this movie with the original Mandarin track, so the names are rather strange to me.. O_o! Yeah I know this has been done to death.. but I never knew there was a Crouching Tiger section on ffnet and I had to get my two cents in!   
  
Lai Ma is like a nursemaid in Cantonese, I thought that Jade Fox was not just some simple maid but someone closer like a nursemaid who had the chance to raise Jen ever since she was very young.  
  
Yep, I know this story is pretty hollow, but ah, whatever ;) flame/review as you see fit. 


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